This is more like it



Ok, I couldn’t help myself.  I have decided to offer my thoughts on a second painting by Andy Thomas.  It was this, or the treatise about William Henry Harrison’s impact on the modern economy, pneumonia and campaign slogans.  The painting won by a nose. 


I guess, as in the previous painting, the iconic President from the 19th century is the center of attention.  In this case, Andrew Jackson.

Perhaps he just made a crack about how ironic it is that he is on the 20 dollar bill, even though he hated paper currency.  Rim shot!

Is Jackson packing heat?  Oh wait.  On closer inspection it looks like a cane.  He was known to be adept with both.  I think it’s safe to say that the topic of bigamy should be left alone.

FDR might want to avoid poking Jackson with his foot long cigarette holder as well.  I suspect Old Hickory is looking for any reason to knock that shit eating grin off of Roosevelt’s face.

The haberdasher looks like a big fan of Montgomery Ward’s 50% off  sale.

I’m not surprised that the pompous intellectual Woodrow Wilson, wore a suit to a poker party.  He has a look of contempt for the crude and obnoxious LBJ.

I’m guessing Slick Willie wants to avoid the subject of extra marital affairs with Jack Kennedy in the room.

Even in a painting, Jimmy Carter looks like a gigantic crapwiesel. Andy Thomas captured his essence perfectly.

Once again…

a quick ranking of Presidential alphatude according to the picture:

1. FDR ( relaxed, confident, looks the part of respected elder statesman,  dealing the cards, 4 electoral wins cancels out wheelchair effect)

2. Old Hick (bullet wounds, duels and a general irascible nature >pointy shouldered jacket and estelle getty’s hairstyle circa 1988)

3. Kennedy (Clinton looks more alpha in the picture but sorry, all i keep thinking is this > than that)

4. Clinton (the loosened tie looks good, relaxed posture, confident smile, pissed off that contemporary reporters aren’t  laid back like they were in the 60’s)

5. LBJ ( pushy, good ole boy persona only gets you so far, but its enough to beat out the likes of the peanut farmer, a snowbird on vacation and a dour intellectual)

6. The Truman Show ( seems to be enjoying himself, looks like a tourist at an all you can eat buffet in a Vegas casino, bonus points if he spills his drink on Old Hickory)

7. Woodrow( If they were sitting in the Princeton library he would rank higher, cold expressions of condescension only make you look insecure among alphas with greater social intelligence, will be sweating thru that wool suit if he has to go back and forth with Billy Jeff and Jack all night)

108. Jimmy Crapwiesel( looks like mommy tucked in his brand new shirt, posture and facial expression suggest an inanimate object in his rectum, and really, its Jimmy Carter, a self important horse’s ass of the 1st order)

Thoughts on the after party…

Holy Mistresses Batman!  Jack, Billy Jeff, and LBJ are world class philanders. Even wheelchair bound FDR and tight assed Woodrow managed to screw around.  Unlike the GOP poker party, this gathering has no shortage of drinkers, smokers and cads.  In my dream painting , Ronald Reagan is sitting in the Oval Office while me and Jack Kennedy are sitting in a hot tub, with a harem of Hollywood starlets, drinking scotch.  A division of labor I say. 

This poker party has some real potential.  It needs some minor improvements though.  Once its time to hit the town a few things need to happen.

A. Jimmy Carter has two choices.  He can stay and clean up the poker room or we can drop him off at the local Hamas meeting.  Either way is fine but under no circumstances is he coming along. 

B. Woodrow can come along if he is OK with two duties.  One, he is the designated driver. Two, he is the designated wheelchair driver.  If not, he can form his own league of ex presidents elsewhere.

C. The Buck Stops Here has to buy drinks and prevent the bombastic and vulgar LBJ from making a scene.

D. Camelot is in charge of the broads.  This goes without saying.  Bonus points if he can get the Rat Pack prominently involved.

There, much better.

1 Comment

Filed under alpha, humor, politics

One response to “This is more like it

  1. Pingback: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington 2.0 « Ganttsquarry's Blog

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