Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Baseball in the Mile High City

Baseball in the Mile High City

Went to a baseball game today. 

A few highlights…

1.Lou Piniella got thrown out of the game in the second inning.  If you are familiar with Lou’s temper, this won’t shock you.  Surprisingly, it was only the second time all year this has happened.  To say that the crowd enjoyed watching a grown man throw a temper tantrum would be an understatement.  My blackberry can’t zoom in very far, but Lou is in between the mound and third base.

Man Child

Man Child

2. Two people got hit with a broken bat that flew into the stands.  Paramedics had to come to the scene.  Not sure how bad the injuries were.  Damn those maple bats.  I see a class action lawsuit coming in the future.  I hear John Edwards is available.

3. The Rockies won.  Hopefully all 7  Rockies fans that don’t live in Colorado will read this and rejoice. I know the entire country is clamoring for the Rockies to be playing in October.

Some thoughts on the general baseball experience…. 

A baseball game is a good way for me to cheer up on the state of Western Civilization in general, and gender relations in particular.  Lots of young couples,  married couples with kids, elderly couples and father/son combinations.  

The young couples seem happy.  Yes, even the hapless beta looking guys seem like they might make it.  Plenty of frat guy/sorority sister and late twenties professional types. 

The older married couples will often bring 2 or 3 rugrats to a game and take up half a row.  The provider beta and his hausfrau generally look pretty content.  I saw a younger alpha type guy with a pretty young thing who was pregnant. They also had a toddler with them.  A good looking young guy with a pretty wife (both under 25) and 2 kids used to be the norm.  Now it’s something I notice in a crowd of forty thousand people.

Good Crowd

Good Crowd

Elderly couples are always fun.  Usually dressed to the gills in Rockies attire and very….spirited for the home team.  Many use scorecards.  Keeping score at a ballgame is, for the most part, an activity reserved for the 60 and over crowd.  I like it.  It’s old school.  Unfortunately, I don’t like it enough to carry on the tradition. 

My favorite is the father/son combo.  I’m sure it’s because it reminds me of my childhood.  When I look at a father explaining  the rules of the game, or buying his son a hot dog…well it’s touching…it brings back memories.  It reminds me of how fast time flies. It also allows me to personally celebrate fatherhood even as the popular culture works to undermine it. 

A quick note about the single mom with her son at a baseball game. Good on you.  At least you are attempting to do something your son might enjoy.  Something with a bit of testosterone and tradition in it.  You seem to be trying to make the best of a crappy situation.

These are some of the reasons I walk out of a baseball game feeling better about the culture. I realize, unfortunately,that this is not a representative sample.  The optimistic feeling lasts through the drive home though.

Some other thoughts…

Cub fans suck.  I’m guessing a third of the crowd was Cub fans.  They revel in mediocrity.  They celebrate 100 years of futility. They wear it like a badge of honor.  They feel superior rooting for a team with such an inglorious history. They are sure to let you know it.  Cub supporters are the swpl of fandom, and the Chicago Cubs are the omegas of MLB.

As a result of these losers being so popular, the Rockies jack up their ticket prices when they come to town.  The owners are spend thrifts so this isn’t surprising.  I wouldn’t mind, if they opened up their wallets a bit more for key free agents.  I don’t expect a Yankees like budget,  but the state of Colorado can support a higher payroll.  The Kansas City Royals we are not.

I like seeing the curmudgeonly, geriatric vendors.  Would you rather work as a Wal Mart greeter, or do this for a living?

Grumpy Old Vendor

Grumpy Old Vendor

“God Bless America” is not our National Anthem. Everyone stands, takes off their hat, and faces the flag with hand over heart.  Uh, am i missing something?  That is protocol for “The Star Spangled Banner”.  Should I do this if a Lee Greenwood song comes on the radio?  Don’t get me wrong, GBA is a wonderful song, but is it necessary to play it every 7th inning of every baseball game?  I know its origins(after 9/11), and I wouldn’t much care, if not for the way it has become equated with the SSB.  Oh, and for the record, I caved like I always do.  I stood and took my hat off.  Didn’t put my hand on my heart though.  I know, I know.  A courageous act indeed.

What do dinosaurs and the Colorado Rockies have to do with each other?  This does.  I would prefer an over sized bottle of Coors Light. You be the judge. 

Don't scare the kids

Don't scare the kids

If you think athletes should be role models (I don’t), you can’t  go wrong with the Colorado Rockies.  You never see them in the police blotter and they all (really!) seem like stand up guys.  My favorites are Brad Hawpe, Dexter Fowler, Ubaldo Jimenez, Aaron Cook and Todd Helton.  Their interviews are boring though.

Good Guy

Good Guy

Pet peeves…

I’m not a prude.  In fact, kinda the opposite.  However, I could really do without the skanks that come to a ballgame looking like they just got off the day shift at a seedy strip club.  Skip the game, head to the club, and I’ll meet you and your tramp stamp by the bar.

The muscled to the max, shirtless, buff douche that spends the whole game primping and posing. He fixes his hair and stands up to face the crowd excessively. We get it. you work out. A lot.

Perhaps, Coors Field could have a section reserved for the buff douche and the stripper skank.  They are made for each other.

To echo this man….

If you are over 14, leave your baseball glove at home.  It makes you look like Forrest Gump.  I can’t believe the effort people will go to to get a 5 dollar baseball.  An older guy, probably around 50, made a nice, effortless, barehanded grab on a foul ball hit to him.  Very alpha move.  No little league mitt needed.

I’m not sure what the age limit(25? 35?) on this pet peeve is, but…  Why would an old guy want to wear a jersey of someone young enough to be his child?  I saw a three hundred pound guy in his 50s, wearing a Tulowitzki jersey.  It looks ridiculous.  Plenty of other stuff to wear that shows support for the team.

Luckily I managed to avoid the rest of the stuff on Bill Simmons’ list today.  No belligerent cussers, pathetic manginas, big heads or drunkards to contend with.  All and all, a nice time in the sun.


Filed under baseball, Mens Issues, pop culture, sports, swpl

2 responses to “Take Me Out to the Ball Game

  1. Pingback: Classic Links « Ganttsquarry's Blog

  2. Pingback: Classic Links and Congrats « Ganttsquarry's Blog

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