I can’t remember what the exact impetus was that led me to type “Repeal the 19th Amendment” into my search engine three years ago, but in doing so, I began a journey into the world of Men’s Rights and other related issues. I think the first website that came up was: Menarebetterthanwomen.com.
I’m sure most who read here have happened upon it. If you haven’t, lets just say that nuanced and intellectual wouldn’t be used to describe it. At the time though, it was refreshing. It was like playing Grand Theft Auto and releasing pent up frustrations by running over, or shooting innocent by standers. If the larger culture is dominated by feminist assumptions; MABTW is balance on steroids. No joke, word, or idea is taboo there. Surprisingly, some of the commenter’s were actually pretty insightful. After perusing the unabashed misogyny for a bit, I moved on to more constructive and reasonable fare.
I found sites like Glenn Sacks, Christian J’s, Pooks Mill, Angry Harry, Eternal Bachelor, No Ma’am, Marky Mark and the like. Not long after, I found Hawaiian Libertarian, Elusive Wapiti, Novaseeker and a few others places I read to this day. The timeline gets fuzzy with all of the clicking around that I did, but I believe Dave in Hawaii is the man who 1st brought me to the world of Roissy and other proponents of Game.
Tangent:I had certainly heard about PUA philosophy before, but it never struck me as something beneficial to the larger culture. Early on, it wasn’t something I was looking for either. I thought it only applied to men that were terrible with women. Awkward, painfully shy, and passive guys. Men invisible to most women, or who stick out like sore thumbs because of their obvious social ineptitude. What did that have to do with me? I had never been Casanova but I did alright. At times I did quite better than alright. I was never resentful or angry about a lack of female attention.
As you can see, I had a lot to learn. Roissy and the likeminded tied it all together. I admit that if Roissy had the politics of Noam Chomsky, I probably wouldn’t have been as receptive to his message. That’s missing the point though. Roissy wouldn’t be Roissy if he had a leftist persuasion. He ties evolutionary psychology, societal trends and the dark parts of female nature in with Game theory. Think a dyed in the wool leftist could do that?
I don’t think you have to be of a conservative or libertarian persuasion to “run” Game and be successful with women. Far from it. However, I think it would be damn near impossible to truly understand why it works so well and be a leftist. Too many pretty lies to overcome. End Tangent.
I really like what I’m seeing, or more accurately, reading. A lot of constructive ideas are being batted around, and I think there is still a good deal of debate. I hope this trend continues.
I also want to comment on why I typed those infamous words into the search engine.
I suspect that most men who come to men’s rights websites do so because of a traumatic injustice done to them by women (or the courts) in their personal lives. In times past especially, it often took a catastrophic event to wake men up about the inherent unfairness they face in our culture today. Divorce theft, adultery, custody “disputes”, and false rape or harassment charges are common occurrences that can lead men to MRA and related websites.
This is certainly understandable. Men, by and large, are completely clueless about female nature and will remain ignorant of it unless something horrible happens. The personal stories of men who have 1st hand experience with the burgeoning matriarchy are invaluable. The passion that such injustices inspire make raising awareness possible.
My path was a bit different though. I’ve never been divorced. Don’t have children. Never been accused of rape or harassment. Never been passed over in promotion in favor of a less qualified woman.
I have however, always been a conservative with libertarian leanings. Even before I knew what those words meant. “Jack Kemp” conservatism was about as close to left wing as I got. I guess that was my version of being young and idealistic. I thought my liberal teachers were naïve and foolish, even in middle school, and before I could really understand why. This made my path to being aware of the struggles men face much easier.
I was driven mainly by macro issues. Listening to young women “discuss” political topics, and seeing the result of their voting patterns, planted the seeds into my head pretty early on. The general “girls rule, boys drool” attitude was also a factor. Men portrayed as bozos on every commercial and television show became more apparent as time went on. The “celebration” of every marginal or trivial “achievement” of “empowered” women grew tiresome.
I also remember the feelings of disconnect between what I heard “victimized” women say, and my own life experiences. I know this may surprise you, but I found it hard to believe that emergency rooms were over flowing with battered women on Super Bowl Sunday.
I had all of these feelings but no outlet for them. Expressing even tepid reservations about what I was noticing seemed unwelcome. Such observations were met with, at best, mild indifference and, at worst, major hostility. Women were especially bad in this regard, but the men weren’t particularly stellar either.
Sure, my friends and I would talk about inequities and the like, but generally it was about micro relationship issues. Most of my buddies were apolitical, or only mildly interested in politics, history and current events. There wasn’t a lot of talk about the cultural marginalization of males and the consequences that arise from it.
What I was seeing was rarely confronted. Especially before the Internet came of age. The fact that so many feminist inspired shibboleths were ridiculous on their face, and still unchallenged, irritated me to no end.
I was also aware that social ostracism wasn‘t the only consequence of speaking my mind. In the college or work environment, much greater perils were possible. Speaking my mind has always come pretty naturally to me. In general I’ve always been pretty respectful about it. Even in my less refined and more passionate days. The things I believe in can be especially provocative at a young age. I was accustomed to heated and rigorous arguments. The kind of folks I would debate, no matter their stand on a given issue, generally welcomed the verbal sparring.
Feminism seemed to be off limits though. Sure you could talk about it, but the price, at least at the time, seemed to be pretty high. I knew instinctively that I could be viewed as a Neanderthal by liberal males, a whiner by older conservative men, or a “loser” that “hates” women by females of every political persuasion.
Believe me, the “conservative” women, at least of my generation, aren’t much better than their liberal sisters. In fact, in some ways, I respect the liberal chicks more. At least they are consistent.
The fact that many of these issues were difficult to talk to fellow conservatives about, made it increasingly frustrating. When its hard to find a like-minded person, who agrees with you 90% of the time on other issues, I’m sure you can imagine why.
I sure didn’t feel like an unreasonable and deranged misogynist. I certainly wasn’t George Sodini, polishing my guns, and planning revenge on all the women who had wronged me. I wasn’t a loser looking for a scapegoat for every problem in my life. My positions at the time, were pretty moderate. More moderate than they are now in fact.
I hadn’t even been “wronged”. No life changing, traumatic event had woken me up and inspired a complete change in how I viewed women. That’s not to say I had never had problems dealing with the modern day American female. Pretty mild and common stuff though. Nothing that could ruin or permanently change the course of my life.
I can’t remember the exact reason why I typed those immortal words into my search engine. I suspect is was something to do with single women and their love for every entitlement program under the sun. Perhaps it was the sparkle in their eyes when Bill Clinton graced a room. I dunno. It was inevitable though. I had noticed too much. I finally needed an outlet for what I was thinking. I needed positive feedback. I wanted to know how many men were thinking the same things I was.
Thank Gore for the Internet! I’ve been reading ever since. I’ve learned a lot, and refined my own thoughts quite a bit. For over two and a half years I simply read, critiqued and formulated ideas. Only two months ago was I inspired to start my own little blog.
Is there anything to be taken from my own experience. Well, yeah, I think so.
Here are a few…
1.The ubiquitousness of female privilege in our society no longer requires men to be hit with the brick of divorce, child support, false allegation etc. to notice inequities, injustice and dangerous trends.
2.I’m not special or unique. I wasn’t wise beyond my years. I didn’t have some magical quality that allowed me to understand women better. Quite simply, times are a changin.
3. Young conservative men are where it’s at. I’ve heard arguments about how liberals( at least some of them) could be made to see the light on equality grounds or some such nonsense. Sorry, don’t buy it. People that don’t understand human nature in general, or male/female differences in particular, are hopeless.
Older conservative men are blinded by the shiny pedestal they have put women on. Occasionally younger women, with attitudes like Ann Coulter or Christina Hoff Summers are to be found, and should be embraced when they are.
Young men, of a conservative bent, are the ones most likely to be persuaded. For one thing they don’t suffer from liberal guilt. For another, they usually have thick skin. Their natural inclinations against big government and special treatment make them natural allies. Young social conservatives that recognize trends not conducive to their religious beliefs, and an ability to see where feminized American churches are going, are also potential allies.
Side note: I take great joy in the shaming of young conservatives/naive libertarians that don’t get it. I think taking the Larry Austers of the world to the woodshed is probably a waste of time. Don’t discourage it though. Taking Conor Frederdufus and Will Wilkerson to task is another matter. I strongly encourage it. This brings me to my last point.
4. Game makes Men’s Right’s cool. It wasn’t necessary to bring me into the fold, but at the margins, I think it makes it more palatable for a lot of young guys that haven’t been royally screwed by women to accept. Game is empowering and men have an aversion to victim status. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, given my personal history, to have been inspired to write a blog only after Game had been introduced to me.
Many apolitical men will seek out Game to improve their lot with women. A Roissy like message, in one form or another, will help them see the light on an array of issues; not just ways to be more attractive to females.
A movement made up, primarily of men screwed in divorce or family court, won’t gain enough traction in the larger male population. By movement, I mostly mean an effort to help individual men see the light and react accordingly. Sweeping legal and cultural change seems to me to be a pipe dream at this point. My point about appealing to a broader base stands, whatever the goal is though.
Lastly, and to tie in with my side note, Game makes male shaming easier. Put yourself in the place of your typical conservative leaning type of guy that doesn’t have a clue about male/female relations. Would it sting a bit more to be taken to the woodshed by a Roissy type, or by a 40-year-old Glenn Sacks type “bitching” about child support payments? I love Sacks and all of his fellow travelers (like me) but I think we know the answer to the question.
I thought that telling the story of how I happened upon MRA and other related websites would be instructive. I’m not sure how typical my path was, but I do believe that larger numbers of men around my age, give or take 10 years, will come to the same destination one way or another.